Would not come

If I make a lot of tinsel then people will want to.
If I am hardened, no fear of further abandonment.
If I am famous, then maybe I’ll feel good in this skin.
If I am cultured, my words will somehow garner respect.

I would throw a party, still it would not come.
I would bike, run, swim, and still it would not come.
I’d go traveling and still it would not come.
I would starve myself and still it would not come.

If I’m masculine, I will be taken more seriously.
If I take a break, it would make me irresponsible.
If I’m elusive, I will surely be sought after often.
If I need assistance, then I must be incapable.

I’d be filthy rich, and still it would not come.
I would seduce them, and still it would not come.
I would drink vodka, and still it would not come.
I’d have an orgasm, and still it would not come.

If I accumulate knowledge, I’ll be impenetrable.
If I am aloof, no one will know when they strike a nerve.
If I keep my mouth shut, the boat will not have to be rocked.
If I am vulnerable, I will be trampled upon.

I would go shopping, and still it would not come.
I’d leave the country, and still it would not come.
I would scream and rebel, still it would not come.
I would stuff my face, and still it would not come.

I’d be productive, and still it would not come.
I’d be celebrated, and still it would not come.
I’d be the hero, and still it would not come.
I’d renunciate, and still it would not come.