Fear of bliss

My misery has enjoyed company
And although I have ached
I don’t threaten anybody
Sometimes I feel more bigness than I’ve shared with you
Sometimes I wonder why I quell when I’m not required to

I’ve tried to be small I’ve tried to be stunted
I’ve tried roadblocks and all
My happy endings prevented
Sometimes I feel it’s all just too big to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of what my bigness could do

Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
Fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)

I could be golden
I could be glowing
I could be freedom
But that could be boring
Sometimes I feel this is too scary to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of losing you

Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
Fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)

This talk of liberation makes me want to go lie down
Under the covers til the terror of the unknown is gone

I could be full
I could be thriving
I could be shining
Sounds isolating
Sometimes I feel this is too good to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of what my joy could do

Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
Fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)