The 80s

I smoked Consulates and Park Drive, drank Nookie Brown
Learned how to skive
Polo mints to hide my breath from my mum
Did a little weed cuz it felt like fun
Did a little bit of speed if my friend had some
Nicked Volkswagen badges I’m a Beastie Boys son
Me so horny, me so young and I still get my washing done
Auntie Joan died of cancer God didn’t have an answer
Rhythm was a dancer
Any room for a chancer? That’s me in the corner, thanks sir!
I wore astute track suits, British Nike shoes,
Kangol hat like LL Cool’s
Before I was ‘avin it, ‘avin it large
They nicked the BMX from out my garage
Knew it was Theo from off the estate cuz every time he’d see me,
he’d smile like we were mates
From then on in I’d have to walk to me Nan’s
And I’d dream my dreams through a sea of prams
Like a hooligan on the football stands
And I’d throw the v’s to Leeds and West Ham
Then I ran, I ran so far away down Scotia Road to a taxi bay
Then I ran again cuz I couldn’t pay,
a Muslim didn’t get his fare that day
I apologise today

Things are better when they start
That’s how the 80s broke my heart

And who are you calling poof? You like Wham, man,
I hate that stuff
And then my grandad died and left a hole in the family
and lots of women had to nanny me
School was a laugh, they didn’t have ADD,
thick was the term they used for me
(over and over)
Repeatedly
(over and over)

Take my breath away take my breath away
Bidly bidly bidly bom
Pass it on the left hand side, right turn, Clive

That girl in the fourth year,
got pregnant and she was raised Catholic, brilliant!
I cried, she cried, we cried, our youth died
Drank cider in the cemetery
The year above us had discovered E
and I said it weren’t for me
?12.50? I could rob me mum’s purse and buy one up Torquay
Met a girl on Monday,
drank fizzy pop on Tuesday
Fingered her on Wednesday
and on Thursday and Friday and on Saturday
Dumped by Sunday

Things are better when they start
That’s how the 80s broke my heart
The wonder years, I’ve played my part
That’s how the 80s broke my heart

Like I said, I lost my virginity to a girl called Anne-Marie,
well she said she fancied me
And then she said “fuck me” and I thought ‘fuck me,
I’m all talk and it’ll be over too quickly’
And it was but I couldn’t care less, I’d seen a girl’s bra
and made a mess on her dress, oh yes!
You’re now rocking with the best,
second person in my year that had seen a breast
I’m in my 30s now and I’m still impressed
Where are the Falklands mum?
And what have they done?
Where do girls come from? Where do girls come from?
Where do girls come from?

It’s the 80s, what you looking at, ya mong?
So young, so long, so young, so long
Too short, so long
What you looking at ya mong?
Too short, so long, too short, so long
So long.